something i came across in 2007

Maya de Valle


To all the boys I've loved before.Part 1

We are not your mothers!
You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
Trying to suck a lost sense of self dry
We have become much too accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
Have become much too accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the bodys of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not.
Play Hester Prynne
Place scarlet letters on our chest
Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
Willing to settle for less
Willing to act like a little less then a goddess
Willing to sleep with the enemy
Men to scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars
So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us
And lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.

Part 2
You said you had a photographic memory.
But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love
The truth cannot be hidden
Whats clouded in darkness will always come to light my love.
You should have known that,
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasnt me
And I guess its so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all
I know thats some easy shit to say but Im still gonna try to live by it
Im still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in.
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest
And take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say Im sorry to her
Im sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

My July Snapshot

even with the heartache and the intense amount of stress that's still flowing, this summer has been UH-MAZING... so i'm extremely sad to see it go :(

i stole this from my lovely ladies Nikstar and Stephanie <3<3

Listening to: 

more rock music, and better rock music, oh and myself strumming horrendously on Willy's guitar lmao (i'm learning!)... weezer, foo fighters, incubus, mississippi man, yeah yeah yeah's, the white stripes, pity party, Panic!, My Chemical Romance, Cold War Kids, etc.

[Mississippi Man show @ the Echoplex]

Reading: 

soooo many books that i have yet to complete :( including Imajica, Kitchen Confidential, World War Z, Death: A Life, and A History of God.

Watching:

the Office, Entourage, Taboo, Dirty Jobs, the Boondocks, Robot Chicken, the Venture Bros., and waiting for the new season of Man vs. Wild!!! oh yeah and guitar instructional videos online lols

Buying:

shiiiiiit! lols mostly just food and movie tickets... this has been the brokest summer of my adult life, and funny enough it ends up being one of the best! goes to show that money doesn't buy a good time :)

Wanting:

some stability, a solution for this ever growing problem i have, to learn how to play an eric clapton song on the guitar, money to be able to enjoy the trips/events coming in the fall, to go to school this semester :(... breakfast! lols

Trying:

to stay optimistic, to find a solution, to progress, to run regularly, to blog more, to make the acoustic guitar my bitch lols

Loving:

this amazing summer! all the new friends and memories i've made! and those family and friends that have supported me through this shit i'm going through lols

Planning:

to make it the fuck out of this hole!!!!!!

Making:

MYSELF smile more :)... and HE does too... but that's a whole 'nother blog post lols

Writing:

more blog posts, doodles, trying to find my inspiration

Pimping:

is waaay different after a 2 year break from the game lols i don't even think i'm the same person anymore... so strange! lols

Inspired by:

other's passions, laughter, the sun, the beauty that is right outside everyone's door, the kids!

[all photos that are not mine can be found on Google]

HELLOOOOO! :)

helloooo my lovely lover pants! how i have missed the beautiful blogosphere! i have no excuses for my extended leave from my blog... none at all... but i will tell you guys that i have just been floating around doing everything that i never had a chance to do the last... well... i've never actually had a chance to do these things :)... meeting new people and just enjoying every day... even though the world seems to want to take a crapper right on me these days... i'm trying to find the silver linings and work my way to what i deserve... but enough about that! i thought i'd just upload some photos from the past month (trying to include mostly outfit shots lols)... enjoy!

 

[my denim shirt! finally! aaand an awesome leather belt :) woot!]

 

[my 102 degree face]

[LMAO, <3 people who keep me laughing!]

[new addition to the family, Oliver! Baby Ollie was born 7/7/10, therefore we played (lucky) 7's the whole time at Vegas ;)]

i'm so thankful to be surrounded by great friends and family now a days <3

triumphant return!

well... maybe not so triumphant lols but i'm definitely working on my return! woohooo! i have a sort of update post in the works... just of outfit photos from the past month and yadda yadda... but for now i'll just share a few random things... first is this outfit i wore on Friday... to run errands and actually be a hermit with some friends... i opted out of a night at the club on Friday and i wasn't disappointed with my decision :)... poker til 3am?! lmao sure! i threw on a necklace after i took this photo... i just enjoy how for some reason this "dress" added with the cut off denim bermudas make me feel/look really tall! i quite enjoy it :)

[dress - faith21, cut off bermudas - old flares, smile - LIFE <3]

and next i'd like to just quickly mention how much i reaaaaaally want this!

[photos from google]

it's the Joby Gorillapod mini tripod! and it looks freakin awesome! that is all :)

and last but definitely not least is just something i'd like to mention having to do with the gay and lesbian community... i've found myself having a lot of conversations with friends of mine that are gay, lesbian, and bi... about life, love and everything in between... and i just have to give my utmost respect and admiration to those who have to struggle with the stresses of a gay/lesbian lifestyle... i was just realizing today, imagine the difficulties we face in our lives as it is... working, living, relationships... just as straight individuals... then imagine throwing in the stress from friction and resistance from people in your life, as well as random strangers you don't even know, just because of who you choose to love and care for... i mean... the stress and pressure of making a relationship work with another person is hard enough... and then think about what it would be like if almost everyone else in your life was an obstacle for your relationship as well... that is a fucking insanely crazy thing to have to deal with... and i just want those of you who deal with that every single day... to know that I myself respect and admire the bullshit you have to deal with <3 (i know this is probably extremely obvious, but it struck me tonight so i had to mention it)

that is all my loves...

i'm happy to be back :)

step ya game up

stolen from Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam...

1 is kind of whatever... but i think i'm gonna make it a point to seek out a nice hybrid of 2-7 (ahem, and then some lolz) :)

benny and the jetsssss doo doo dootoo dooo

i'm sure for a majority of us music plays a very large part in the healing process... and at this point in time i myself am looking for more uplifting and cliche' post-breakup type stuff (yes, i know... lolz but they really do make me feel better)

[photos from google]

so i want to know what YOU guys listen to during tough times... not just tough times of the heart... tough times in general... what song always uplifts you and manages to make you feel better! and i don't care what genre it is... if a trance electronica song makes u feel good... tell me what it is! :)

fuck it

i realize it is absolutely NOT helping me sitting here being sad and pathetic and acting like a big ol' bag of poop... i think i will keep my self busy this summer... and what better way to stay busy then to bombard you guys with blog posts :)

but first... just for me... i will share some things that totally make me happy and are keeping my spirits up!

[pics from google & facebook, thank you Kiyanna for tagging me :)]

just gotta keep it positive and keep moving forward guys... thank you all for the support and love... i figure i'll need a lot more before this is over lolz